What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 12:22
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When Kundalini is awakened accidentally, what can be done?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im still living with it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Would this be the day?
I was scared of men, in general
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
What are 5 ways that can be done by the community to improve the public transport system?
And i lived it daily.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What is it like to wear a kilt?
I was 9 years of age.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
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Was to survive, this bastard.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
If babies could write, what questions would they ask on Quora?
She found it foreign!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Are there any nude pictures of women with big tits?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
What are some signs he is deeply in love with you?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I waited trembling.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He knew the spot.
So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She wouldn,t have been !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She loved him until the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I have no regrets .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One cannot live in the past .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
All the time i was locked up.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I will be 64.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
It was going to be , some day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So, i spoilt her more .
Ive learnt so much.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was in good health!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But, we were locked up after school.
But it wasn’t much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was seconnd youngest,
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is soul school!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Who then, do I blame.?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I said to her
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was very sick at this time too.